Nobody is perfect and we shouldn’t expect them to be, but when you’re in a new relationship your partner may seem perfect. As time goes on, those flaws you thought were cute in the beginning may start to annoy you. The honeymoon stage has a way of masking things until it’s over and the reality of the relationship sets in. You likely have flaws she doesn’t like too. This can lead to conversations asking for changes from both parties, which can end up leading to further conflict. Learn how to accept your wife’s flaws for the benefit of you, her, and your marriage.
Don’t Expect Change
While it’s not unreasonable to want someone to change their habits, you certainly shouldn’t expect your wife to do so. Breaking a behavior that has been part of her for years is extremely difficult. When you start expecting her to change her ways simply because she has flaws you don’t like, you’re setting yourself up for arguments that could last a lifetime. Behavior that is deeply ingrained in someone isn’t a quick fix. If she agrees to try and change whatever it is you don’t like and she fails, she may become discouraged. As partners, we don’t want to disappoint our spouse, but failing to change may do just that and make the one trying to change feel bad. This is especially true if you have the mindset of “if she loves me, she could”. Not being able to change a flaw doesn’t define your wife’s love and that way of thinking is detrimental to marriage.
You’re Flawed Too
Your wife isn’t the only one with flaws. The world does not contain a single flawless person. Even if she hasn’t said anything to you, there are certain things you do that she doesn’t like, she just hasn’t said anything to you. Does she leave her makeup scattered all over the bathroom sink? Maybe you leave the toilet seat up or you don’t squeeze the toothpaste tube from the bottom. Perhaps your wife doesn’t like waiting until the last minute, but you’re always trying to race the clock with whatever it is you’re doing. These small things can become a great annoyance if you don’t learn how to accept them.
When we think about our partners, there is a clear picture of our likes and dislikes about them. However, what drives the parts of them we do like usually drives the parts we don’t like too. On one side of the wall is what you like, on the other side is what you don’t. It’s unreasonable to expect your partner to jump over that wall and stick to just one side. The same energy she uses to show you the things you love about her is the same energy that fuels the fire for the things you don’t like. Trying to extinguish that flame may also put out the things you do like.
Marriage is all about communication and compromise. You have flaws and so does your wife. They may have been cute things you adored in the beginning but now they’re becoming annoying. Realize that those flaws are part of her. They are part of the woman you fell in love with and married. They aren’t going anywhere so you’ll just have to accept them.